Archives For Humor

Haters Gonna Hate

June 20, 2016 — 2 Comments

gay jesusI find it very difficult to understand the level of anger and hatred some people have toward the gay community. I understand that there are folks who find the thought of two men or two women kissing icky or unpleasant (mostly two men, though … the public seems to have a strong fascination with most girl-on-girl activity). But I don’t see how that discomfort turns to rage and loathing. Some people find sushi distasteful, but they don’t hate sushi fans or want to beat them up or deny them rights because of the cuisine they enjoy. Continue Reading…

writingIf I had my druthers, I’d write in long hand. My thoughts seem to flow better, I have something tangible to show for my work and I don’t edit myself while I’m writing as much as I do when I’m typing.
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Pride-ParadeHere we are, heading into the second week of June, and I haven’t even started my Gay Pride Extravaganza shopping yet. It seems the holiday season just sneaks up on me somehow. In the Spring my brain is all anticipatory and abuzz with party plans and gift lists and then BAM! I’m midway through June without a single thing done.
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scale 2I woke up fat not long ago. Not Lifetime Network and TLC fighting for the rights to my story fat, but definitely heavier than I’ve ever been. And logically I know it happened over time, but the older I get, the faster time seems to fly. Remember how long it took to go from your 16 year milestone of getting a driver’s license to your 21 year milestone of being able to drink legally? Eons! I had to drink illegally for years just to cope with time’s refusal to hurry the hell up. Those were the slowest five years of my life. Do you know how long the most recent five years took to pass? About 37 minutes. At this rate I’ll be dead before I finish this post. Continue Reading…

All Of My Dogs Are Dead

April 27, 2016 — 2 Comments

0095 DaisyAll of my dogs are dead.

Last week I got a text from the Ex letting me know that Daisy, the last of our four dogs had died. I hadn’t seen Daisy for over five years, but the news still hit me hard. I suppose it’s the difference between not seeing and never being able to see again.

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My Mother, My Killer

February 15, 2016 — Leave a comment

Whether it’s tNitaUpLakehe way it really happened or simply the way it’s been remembered, I can’t say for sure. But family history has it that my mother was so enamored and protective of me that she didn’t let anyone — including my father and grandparents — hold me for the first six weeks of my life. So it’s not surprising that at an age when other babies were being potty-trained and learning to walk, I was perfecting my ability to manipulate my mom in order to get anything my devious little heart desired. Continue Reading…

Single Status Marathon

February 11, 2016 — 7 Comments

My phone t0092 happy aloneweedled at me the other day. It attempts to communicate with me pretty regularly, using a variety of vocalizations; but I’ve yet to decipher its many chirps, pings and boops. For all I know, it could be rutting season and the phone is trying to attract a mate.

I didn’t recognize the little bing-bong as one of the regular sounds that mean nothing to me, and when I looked at the phone’s screen it simply read “22.” I thought it was either a default system message or something I’d added under the assumption that, unlike every password and PIN I set, I wouldn’t immediately forget what “22” signified. Continue Reading…

0091 human_heartIn about a week, the blogosphere will be neck deep in Valentine’s Day related posts. From the loved to the lonely, the damaged to the dreamers, the haters, the lovers, the bitter, the giddy, the cynics and the believers — every opinion, reaction, experience and emotion will be represented and documented. You won’t be able to swing a last minute, leftover bouquet of wilted flowers without hitting a Valentine’s Day post. Continue Reading…

Space Tribe Orgy

February 5, 2016 — Leave a comment

astronaut 2nd CircleWell would you look at that?! I can’t believe it’s shameless self-promotion time again. The days sure do fly by when you’re trying to find a way to call attention to yourself and your non-blog projects without appearing to be even more narcissistic than you’ve already revealed yourself to be. Fortunately, it occurred to me that if I replace my egocentric blathering with genuine admiration and a glowing review of another person’s work, in which I just happened to play a small part, I can ride her coat tails straight to The Land of Hey Look At Me!
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I’m Not Wearing Panties

January 30, 2016 — 3 Comments

granny panties 2

I’ve written before about my obsession with The Murder Channel (better known as ID – Investigation Discovery) and how their programming line-up leads one to conclude that just about everyone in a person’s life is capable of murder. In addition to wiping out any trust I may have had in my fellow humans, I’ve also learned a lot. For instance, I’m pretty sure I’ve absorbed enough information to allow me to commit the perfect murder. I figure it’s good to have a back-up hobby in the event this blogging thing doesn’t work out. Continue Reading…