I need a new word, or maybe the word already exists and I just need someone to educate me. We’re all familiar with schadenfreude – the enjoyment derived from observing the misfortune of another. But what do you call the guilt or creepiness one feels in reaction to wallowing around in schadenfreude? This feeling doesn’t tag along every time schadenfreude goes out to play, sometimes it just feels good to see someone else feel bad, especially when the misfortune they experience reveals them as a hypocrite, a liar or not as perfect as they claim to be.
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Baroness Buttercup:

I’ve never rebloged from my other site, Terribly Earnest, where among other things, I post actual entries from my junior high diaries. But this one is just too cringe-worthy not to share.

Originally posted on Terribly Earnest:

TE_Mortifying Diary pic 01I don’t know what the heck I’m supposed to write in a diary. I just say what I did all day in my other ones. I want to write more how I feel though. If I wrote what I did, you know what I’d write today? “I raked up leaves and let the kids play in them. Me, K and S went in my backyard and did nothing. I went to JK’s.”

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Carpe Diem!!

In terms of ups and downs, the past five years has been quite the roller-coaster ride — losing my wife, my house, my friends, my job, my car, etc.  And during those downs times, I’ve been given a fair amount of advice. Some of it good and some obviously pulled directly from the asses of people with absolutely no clue what they were talking about.

There should be a saying like, “If the advice you’re about to give is a cliché, shut up.” I think the reason there isn’t, is because over time, most sayings will become cliché. So using this one would eventually, and ironically, be used to advise people not to use it. Then we’d all get stuck in an endless logic loop that would cause our brains to collapse like Carrie White’s house on Prom Night. Continue Reading…

0076 GhostBusters55,758 is a pretty big number. If you were going to drive 55,758 miles, you’d have to bring along plenty of delicious snacks and refreshing beverages; if 55,758 was a number of days, you’d need over 150 years to live them all; and, if you had 55,758 dollars, you’d have 55,758 dollars.
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0075 Overlook HotelThere have been times when I’ve wanted to write a post about something, but a little voice whispered that it might be best to noodle it around a bit before committing ink to paper (or font to screen, or idea to the webernet or whatever the comparison du jour might be). And while the same can’t be said for when it tells me the CIA has implanted a tracking device in my brain or that spending the winter writing in a remote, not at all haunted, mountain-top resort hotel with my annoying wife, Wendy, and creepy little boy, Danny, is a good idea, more often than not the voice is right about blog topics.
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0074 Crypt KeeperI can’t remember a time when I felt less my age than I do now. It wasn’t an instant transformation — I didn’t wake up one morning, remember it was my birthday and spend the rest of the day in the fetal position, sobbing quietly into my pillow. It’s been a more gradual change, an ever-increasing sense of doom, all wrapped up in layers of panic and denial. Continue Reading…

Lesbian Movie Rules

April 30, 2015 — 10 Comments

The lure of the lesbian movie. Who among us can resist?

The “us” I refer to would be other lesbians. I’m not trying to exclude anyone, but if I tossed that question out to the general public, a great many would say they have no problem resisting. And if I then explained that by “lesbian movie,” I mean the type of movie you go see in a theater and not the kind you bring up on your electronic viewing device of choice when you finally have the house to yourself for 15 minutes, all those who agreed that they’re tough not to watch, would move over to the “it’s no problem” camp.
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There are things I don’t know (I realize that’s a lot to spring on you right out of the gate and without any warning, but please save your shocked gasps and incredulous whispers for the comments section, thank you). Within that group are things I know I don’t know, like how string theory works and if it requires some kind of special quantum string or if any old string will do; and things I don’t know I don’t know … for instance, the amount of time one remains in “stealth mode” after taking one of the invisibility pills recently developed by a shadowy government agency. In order to know I don’t know that, I’d have to know if such a pill exists, and I don’t. So I can’t know what I don’t know because I’d have to know to know. Continue Reading…

I got my new FALAGABATATA (Federal Agency of Lesbians and Gays and Bisexuals and Transgender and Transsexual Americans) membership card months ago, but didn’t get my copy of the Lesbian Rules & Regulations manual until today. I think it’s seriously time to invite the good people at Corporate Headquarters to join us here in the 21st century and maybe put the manual online … you know, like everyone else in the world already did years ago. Continue Reading…

Schrödinger’s Joke

April 21, 2015 — 4 Comments

While filling my tank yesterday, I saw a woman leave the gas station’s attached convenience store carrying two enormous cups from the soda fountain. As she got closer she told the man at the pump next to mine that the drink he wanted wasn’t available, so she’d gotten him something else instead. Before he had a chance to reply, she slipped on something. She managed not to fall, but did instinctively raised her arms to maintain her balance, which caused her to squeeze one of the cups she was holding and sort of fling the other one a towards the man. He wasn’t hit by the refreshing airborne beverage, but a fair portion of the squashed soda did end up on her.
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