There are things I don’t know (I realize that’s a lot to spring on you right out of the gate and without any warning, but please save your shocked gasps and incredulous whispers for the comments section, thank you). Within that group are things I know I don’t know, like how string theory works and if it requires some kind of special quantum string or if any old string will do; and things I don’t know I don’t know … for instance, the amount of time one remains in “stealth mode” after taking one of the invisibility pills recently developed by a shadowy government agency. In order to know I don’t know that, I’d have to know if such a pill exists, and I don’t. So I can’t know what I don’t know because I’d have to know to know. Continue Reading…

I got my new FALAGABATATA (Federal Agency of Lesbians and Gays and Bisexuals and Transgender and Transsexual Americans) membership card months ago, but didn’t get my copy of the Lesbian Rules & Regulations manual until today. I think it’s seriously time to invite the good people at Corporate Headquarters to join us here in the 21st century and maybe put the manual online … you know, like everyone else in the world already did years ago. Continue Reading…

Schrödinger’s Joke

April 21, 2015 — 2 Comments

While filling my tank yesterday, I saw a woman leave the gas station’s attached convenience store carrying two enormous cups from the soda fountain. As she got closer she told the man at the pump next to mine that the drink he wanted wasn’t available, so she’d gotten him something else instead. Before he had a chance to reply, she slipped on something. She managed not to fall, but did instinctively raised her arms to maintain her balance, which caused her to squeeze one of the cups she was holding and sort of fling the other one a towards the man. He wasn’t hit by the refreshing airborne beverage, but a fair portion of the squashed soda did end up on her.
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When you’re a kid you can’t wait to be an adult so you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, no matter what anyone else says. Through a child’s eyes, adulthood looks like a magical world of freedoms, the likes of which they can only dream … drinking milk straight from the carton, bringing a jacket when it is cold and not because it might get cold and the end of being dragged to places and events when you’d rather be just about anywhere else.
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While looking for Anything Can Happen Sunday inspiration, I came across all my middle school and high school year books. I thought they were deeply buried in storage somewhere, but obviously I was wrong. And what better way to celebrate this happy find, then to share some of it with you? And what better to share than the tradition of yearbook signing? Continue Reading…

You may not have noticed, but I have a tendency to be somewhat irreverent at times. It’s never done with any malicious intent, I’m perfectly capable of going full asshole when I choose to. But I do recognize that even when something is said or written for a laugh, there are those who either don’t get the joke or don’t think the topic at hand lends itself to jokery.
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