Archives For Children

Countdown To Panic

July 21, 2016 — Leave a comment

117 panicMost people are familiar with the warning “be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.” To me, it seems mostly applicable to situations where you find yourself with the opportunity to have a wish or three granted, but had to use careful wordage and phrasing due to the tendency of bottle-dwelling genies to be quite literal. Or maybe spending eternity crammed inside a bottle has just turned them into assholes. Continue Reading…

My Mother, My Killer

February 15, 2016 — Leave a comment

Whether it’s tNitaUpLakehe way it really happened or simply the way it’s been remembered, I can’t say for sure. But family history has it that my mother was so enamored and protective of me that she didn’t let anyone — including my father and grandparents — hold me for the first six weeks of my life. So it’s not surprising that at an age when other babies were being potty-trained and learning to walk, I was perfecting my ability to manipulate my mom in order to get anything my devious little heart desired. Continue Reading…

The world is an a1452741468406mazing place, full of mystery and wonder. Or at least, it used to be mysterious until Google came along and gave us the ability to get answers to every question that pops into our little heads. When I was a kid, we just lived with not knowing things. Did Mikey from the Life cereal commercials really die after washing down Pop Rocks with a Coke, causing him to explode? The popular opinion at my grade school was that an explosive junk-food death did occur, but the deceased was Rodney Allen Rippy, the kid whose Jumbo Jack was too big to eat.
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Harvesting The Sticks

September 16, 2015 — 1 Comment

Is there anything worse than being unable to turn on the TV without having to endure some story or sound bite featuring Kim Davis or Donald Trump? Of course there is! There are literally thousands of things that are worse than idiots yammering away on the magic picture box. But, as my fellow entitled American friends can attest, any awareness of situations taking place beyond our immediate vicinity or circumstance is typically minimized or ignored altogether when we’re consumed with the myriad of catastrophic minor annoyances we face on a regular basis. Continue Reading…

I need a new word, or maybe the word already exists and I just need someone to educate me. We’re all familiar with schadenfreude – the enjoyment derived from observing the misfortune of another. But what do you call the guilt or creepiness one feels in reaction to wallowing around in schadenfreude? This feeling doesn’t tag along every time schadenfreude goes out to play, sometimes it just feels good to see someone else feel bad, especially when the misfortune they experience reveals them as a hypocrite, a liar or not as perfect as they claim to be.
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Schrödinger’s Joke

April 21, 2015 — 4 Comments

While filling my tank yesterday, I saw a woman leave the gas station’s attached convenience store carrying two enormous cups from the soda fountain. As she got closer she told the man at the pump next to mine that the drink he wanted wasn’t available, so she’d gotten him something else instead. Before he had a chance to reply, she slipped on something. She managed not to fall, but did instinctively raised her arms to maintain her balance, which caused her to squeeze one of the cups she was holding and sort of fling the other one a towards the man. He wasn’t hit by the refreshing airborne beverage, but a fair portion of the squashed soda did end up on her.
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When you’re a kid you can’t wait to be an adult so you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, no matter what anyone else says. Through a child’s eyes, adulthood looks like a magical world of freedoms, the likes of which they can only dream … drinking milk straight from the carton, bringing a jacket when it is cold and not because it might get cold and the end of being dragged to places and events when you’d rather be just about anywhere else.
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With the days getting longer, the weather getting warmer and flowers bursting forth from the earth in a Ta-Dah! of color and fragrance, Spring has not been shy about announcing its arrival this year. And I’ve welcomed the season just as enthusiastically, spending as much time as I can out on the veranda enjoying the beauty and sweet perfume of season’s first blooms.

As is typical, Spring not only coaxes new life from the ground, it also invites the children of the village to come out and play. The sound of their laughter and excited voices as they run and play, indicating it’s an invitation they eagerly accepted. Continue Reading…

There are those who seem to feel that people without children live in a washed out, black and white world unable to enjoy the vivid palette of emotions and experiences known to those who have spawned. Some biological event takes place when these once-normal folk become parents, rendering them virtually incapable of interacting normally with child-free people.
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