Greetings and welcome to my blog! I’m delighted you’re here! I’m also thrilled that you’ve actually read this far rather than immediately clicking away because you were searching for “lesbian sex” and finding no pictures or

videos of acrylic-nailed, stiletto-heeled babes engaged in totally realistic hot girl-on-girl action, decided to look elsewhere for material that better suits your masturbatory requirements.

Since this is my first post I should probably start at the beginning, but that would be typical and boring and I’m trying to seem different and unique. So to keep up my little charade I’ll start at the end, the end of my former blog. Earlier this month I made the difficult decision to abandon that blog after accidentally volunteering for the Adopt-A-Stalker program via an online dating site that I’ll refrain from identifying lest I open myself up for some type of libel suit for casting aspersions upon their members … I’ll say only that it rhymes with Catch.mom.

I hadn’t planned to start writing again so soon, but once you’ve been bitten by the blog bug I guess it just gets in your blood. So as an ode to my old blog (which I sorta loved and really miss), and perhaps to assuage some of my guilt for moving on so quickly and definitely as a second opportunity to bid a “fuck you” to the freak who took the fun out of it, I present to you the final post from my former blog:

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

When my brothers and I were growing up my mother had certain sayings for various occasions … “I’m not you’re personal slave,” when we left a mess for her to clean up; “Would it have killed you to pick up a phone?” when we came home late without calling; “I guess I just can’t have nice things,” when once of us broke something that she considered good rather than everyday.

But while our breakage of one of her complete collection of NFL glasses acquired after a year of fill-ups at the neighborhood ARCO station was an accident, there are those people who for reasons I am unable to fathom take perverse pleasure in deliberately disallowing others to have nice things.

This is the situation in which I find myself.

It seems I’ve picked up a parasite. Not a tapeworm or a bot fly or some other such wee beastie that Trojan Horses its way into your body, coursing through your blood stream like it’s on a flume ride until reaching your brain, which it uses as its own personal hatchery to release millions of its demon spawn in order to short-circuit your neurons and drive you slowly insane, but an insidious creature none the less.

Mine is of the human variety, and rather than invading my organs, blood or brain she is determined to infiltrate my life. The whole story isn’t important (and frankly it’s too long to tell), but just to be clear this isn’t a “someone I’m just not interested in dating” situation, this is a bona-fide stalker situation. In fact, after learning her real name (and she uses many) I found another woman’s blog post from 2008 who’d also been victimized by my “obsessed fan.”

To the best of my knowledge she no longer knows where I live, so I believe I’ve blocked any physical access she has to me. Unfortunately, before I became aware of her true nature we had a brief friendship on Facebook and I gave her the URL for my blog. She still sometimes finds ways to access my Facebook page, contacts my friends and family and pulls various stunts to try to gain my attention. She also checks my blog a couple of times a day to see if I’ve posted anything new; which is why I haven’t lately. She lurks. I know she’s out there, waiting to pounce on any little tidbit, some little crumb of information about me. And all I want is to disappear, become unable for her to find.

Aside from not wanting her to have access to my life, she more than anyone else least deserves to enjoy my stellar writing, sharp wit, charming personality and deep insights. So it’s with resentment, disappointment, a heavy heart and a measure of satisfaction at cutting of yet another avenue of access that I’ve decided to abandon my blog. So to those of you who read me (except, y’know …) and especially those who offered their support during my brief comeback tour, I just wanted to say thank you and let you know that all is still on the right track. I’ll miss this and miss all of you. It’s been a pleasure and I wish you all the best!

Oh yeah! The picture, almost forgot …